Marriage?

Of late my car had all the sudden gotten really noisy. Something underneath the car wasn't very happy and it let me know every time I drove somewhere.When it comes to cars I don't know much. I do know how to pay Jiffy Lube to change my oil but that is about it... One day I casually asked Izac if he might know what the problem was with my car being so loud. We went for a short drive and he suspected that it was my exhaust that was creating so much extra noise. He told me that if I brought it down to the shop where he worked he would try to fix it.

Upon further inspection we found out that the exhaust was falling out and cracked which is why it had seemed so much louder. In order to fix the problem we had to lift the car up to get to the exhaust. Izac put a fork lift under my car and lifted the two front tires off the ground and proceeded to get underneath my car. In my mind, I was like 'wait a minute, what are you doing?! what if that thing lets loose and the car comes crashing down and crushes you?!' It may not have just happened in my mind like I thought, I must have mentioned my concerns aloud because quickly he was right back up coming over to me. He took me in his arms and whispered that he knew what he was doing and was going to be alright. He quietly continued saying that if we were to be married in the future I was going to have to get used to him doing stuff like that for me. That brought a surprised but instant grin to my face. That is what a man does for his wife he continued to tell me, he takes care of the vehicles. I was blushing a deep red and excited all over. We both knew in our minds that marriage was our goal but never before had it been mentioned aloud. I was speechless as he gave me a quick kiss pulled slowly away to get back under my car and begin welding the crack and wiring the exhaust back in its proper place.

As he worked my mind began to wander, it was filled with thoughts of being married to Izac. We got along so well, he was everything I wanted and more. We could spend hours just talking, we had similar financial goals, we both had the same spiritual goals and we both knew the value of work and it was important to each of us. At that time I could almost picture Izac working on one of the cars in the garage, while I cleaned the house on a warm Saturday morning and our little munchkins were all around playing and helping 'mommy' and 'daddy' in their tasks. The thought of it filled me with deep joy and longing, it was my purpose in life and I really felt it confirmed at that moment. I was living what I thought to be a fairy tale dream, I felt that at any moment someone was going to pinch me and I would wake up and it really would be just a dream. I worried it was all way to good to be true, I had to pinch my own self to remind me that this was real and was really happening to me.

Amid my longing and exciting thoughts of the future, I tried as much as I could to help Izac, handing him wire and tools when he needed them. It really didn't take too long to weld the crack and wire the exhaust back up where it belonged. I was grateful the forklift didn't drop my car on him but most of all I was impressed. Another brownie point for the already near perfect man!? Who knows how much that would have cost me to get fixed at a garage?! I was very grateful to save money and spend time learning of more of the skills that Izac possessed. It meant a lot to me that he wanted to do something like that for me. He really cared and it was shown in his actions.

We took the car for a drive when he had finished and it was at least 5 times quieter, my man had done the job (and he did it good because I still have the same car and I haven't had a problem with the exhaust since, (4 years later!)) ! We celebrated a job well done by going out for some Mexican burritos. I profusely thanked him for the work he had done on my car!

I really wanted to ask if he was serious about what he had said earlier in the shop about marriage in the future. I was at a loss of how to bring the conversation up though. It's also safe to say I didn't want it to be one of those moments that really was too good to be true, so I didn't say anything aloud but allowed it to occupy my thoughts.

Soon he leaned over, put an arm around me, and with that teasing smile of his, he told me that he could tell something was on my mind. I tried real hard to act innocent and play dumb but he had me cornered. He then whispered, 'I bet I know what you are thinking about...' Teasing him with my own smirk I told him I was thinking about the green sauce on my burrito and how it was such a funny color of green. He smiled and replied that if you mix the green and red sauce it makes a real funny color. We teased and played around with sauces for a few minutes before he pulled his phone out and said, 'lets look at a calendar.' I was confused, why did we need to look at a calendar? but I kept my thoughts to myself as he continued to pull up a calendar. He began musing aloud, 'well we can't do it during my busy season, which is from October to Decemberish, Christmas wouldn't be a good time because there is too much going on and I want it to have its own day.' My mind was quickly making progress and catching up... It... What was it? DING, I knew what it was... A day for a wedding to take place...

Our wedding.

My hands turned clammy as the excitement reached every part of my body. It wasn't just a dream or too good to be true, I even pinched myself to make sure. I immediately agreed that I didn't want to get married amid the holiday season. To much going on and it just didn't seem like a good time for us. We began looking at the next best date. Spring break would put us at a wedding nine months away and that just seemed like a little too far away for the two of us who were extremely attracted to each other. Izac would still be going to school in the winter so we tried to find a time where there was a day off so that he wouldn't have as much homework to catch up on from the wedding and honey moon. I would be off track and not going to school during that time so I was more flexible. The next day off of school after the holiday's was President's day weekend, with February 18th being on the Saturday before.

February 18th.

We were talking about a date to be married!! I was as giddy as a young school girl who just won the spelling bee. I wanted to tell the world that I was going to be married to the man of my dreams but I also wanted to hold it all inside and keep it a special secret for myself. We decided that day was what we were going to be tentatively shooting for but that it was just between us for the time being, which was alright by me. 'Our date' was about six months away, plenty of time for me to mentally plan and prepare, I felt very happy and at peace with it. I was one content girl.    

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***

Teton Village Continued

Knocking on death's door, or so I felt, Izac was right next to me in an instant trying to make sure I was breathing and alright. I didn't want him there, but I wanted him there at the same time. I really felt like I was dying; I couldn't find air to breathe. I craved his comfort but was too embarrassed and humiliated to face him. I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there for a very long time. When I finally caught a little breath, the tears came with an uncontrollable force that I couldn't have stopped if my life depended on it. Izac, after making sure I was alive, alright and breathing ran the bike he rented up the hill and put it there so people coming down would see it and slow down before hitting the jump and colliding into me.

I hurt.

With all the adrenaline the first hurt felt more emotional than anything, my pride and skill in handling the mountain on a bicycle was humbled real fast. The second hurt was pain, raw pain all over. It didn't feel like I broke anything and I could move so my next major concern was the bike.

The bike.

 I was riding my boyfriend's bike. I panicked as I checked for possible damage. He kept meticulous care of the bike and it was in GREAT condition before I got a hold of it... It looked like the handle bars might have been twisted some but other than than I couldn't see any visible damage (internal sigh of relief). Taking note that I still didn't seem to have any broken bones, the bike seemed alright, and my breath was coming back, I just wanted to get off of that hill and hide in a hole for a very, very long time. I was mad at myself, embarrassed and frustrated beyond description.

Why?

Why on earth did that tree have to get in my way!? Why did I have to try and 'show off' and ruin it?! Why was I going so fast?! They were the 'taller than human' jumps, why couldn't I try to 'show off' on something a little bit smaller?! I no longer felt like 'that girl' that was impressive and desirable. My crying red face only made my confidence plummet even further. I am not an attractive crier in the least bit, my face turns splotchy red and looks ridiculous. I hate crying in front of people. Especially someone I'm trying to impress... With confidence destroyed, I slowly got back on the bike, lacking a better idea of what to do with myself.

On the way down the hill I found that I had bloodied up my elbow, and had various other points of sore spots. I think I hit the tree harder than I thought. Even though I was in the height of frustration with myself I was grateful that it was only Izac behind me and not his friend or friend's dad.

By the time I let gravity carry me down the remainder of the trail I had cooled down some and made it a little easier for Izac to talk to me. Izac really was sweet, concerned and worried. He had watched the whole thing happen and I am sure I scared the crap out of him. He told me how grateful he was that I was alright. He had something in his hand, that upon further scrutinizing, I figured out was the plastic piece from my helmet. I had completely broke it off. I must have really hit hard. I was very grateful I had a helmet on. I might have been a paralyzed or dead if not... 

After some adrenaline wore off, I was starting to get sore and knew that I was going to feel that one for a while but I couldn't let the mountain win. I had to go down again. We made sure there wasn't any deeper damage on me and that the bike was still operational; everything seemed to be fine so we went down again.

I was in no mood or condition to keep up this time. I just wanted to get safely down the hill without running into anymore trees. Prove that my 'horse' bucked me off but I was going to get right back on. I was quite a bit slower after my encounter with a tree. We did a couple more leisure runs before I told the boys I wanted to sit out and rest for a bit while they went on a few more runs, at their pace.

 I had just wanted to prove to be so good, confident, and talented on the hill and I felt I had failed myself and my man. There was nothing to be done about it though and he still seemed to want to be with me even though I had crashed. So I did my best to let the crash be in the past and remember the good things about the day. I had rode a bike on dirt trails with three men all day and did quite well other than a 'minor' and 'small' mishap with a tree jumping in my way. ;)

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Teton Village

5:00 AM is a very early time to be awake for a lot of people. Dreams are happening and eyes are heavy with the nostalgia of sleep. But on this special day I was waking up, missing out on dreams and beauty sleep to get ready to spend the day on a mountain bike with my man. Dreams and sleep were the last thing I was thinking about as I dressed in a pink shirt and work out Capri's. I was pondering the day that lie ahead and sincerely hoping that I would be impressive on the down hill mountain biking expedition with my handsome man.

Izac had a friend who's dad moves and restores organs and he had one to do at Teton Village Resort North of Jackson Hole. He needed extra help so he asked if Izac could go along to help move the organ and then after moving it they would hit the down hill mountain biking located at Teton Village. Izac thought it would be fun for me to go and asked if that might be possible. When Izac's friend said that would be fine, a date was picked and planning began.

I was slightly nervous to be going down hill mountain biking with three men... and being the only girl. I had been biking and enjoyed biking a lot but I had never rode in the mountains. I wanted so badly to keep up with them to show how I could keep up and how good I was at maneuvering through the trails and berms. I worried that I would slow them down and tried hard not to think about it. I wanted this day to be as fun for Izac as it could and I was determined that I wasn't going to slow them down. I would be riding Izac's mountain bike because I only had a road bike, and he had rented a down hill bike to take for the day. I hoped that all would be okay and that I would keep the bike, that he had cared for so well, in good condition. Meaning, I didn't want to crash or do any damage to the bike, that would be just plain embarrassing.

After moving the organ we got passes to head to the mountain. To describe down hill biking, it is kind of like snowboarding (except with bikes). They have lifts that you put your bikes on and then you sit down on chairs and it takes up the mountain (similar to a ski lift). Once at the top you unload your bike and head down one of the eight or so trails they have to choose from.

Thankfully, (I'm sure for my sake) we started with an easy trail because I had never been. Based on how fast we went down that trail I can't say it was easy. They cruised! I was really going to have a tough time keeping up; I knew that 1/4 of the way down the trail....

I like to think that I am daring, and one to push my physical limits but I am timid when it comes to doing things that could cause bodily harm. I felt like we were going so fast I didn't even have time to enjoy the scenery (I guess I am an 'enjoy the scenery' type of person). Even though to me it felt like we were flying down the mountain, I kept up pretty well and wasn't too disappointed in the first run of the day.

The first trail, called 'Lucky Charm' was relatively flat, lacking jumps and wood bridges. After they seen how well I did on the first trail, we decided to try something a little more aggressive. It had quite a few more jumps, wood bridges and berms to navigate. Izac and his friend were smoothly sailing over every single jump, me on the other hand (the timidness coming out) would just roll over the tops and allow gravity to carry me down the hill. I desperately wanted to get better and be able to jump so I could enjoy it with Izac and show him how good I was, but I had to get a little more comfortable and confident first. That was my first time dirt riding in such conditions and it was going to take me a little bit of time. I secretly just wanted Izac to be proud that I was his girlfriend, like the whole: "Did you see that girl take that jump?!" "Ya, that's my girl!" That is what I wanted to prove to be and I was going to try my hardest all day to get there.

(This proves how timid I was...) :) 

After completing a few more runs without any crash or fails we decided to stop and get a few pictures. I trekked down the trail first along with Izac's friend's dad. We were going to take pictures of Izac and his friend hitting a jump or two. Soon, I found a good jump that would capture a great picture, I pressed the brake and pulled off, parking my bike next to a tree, well off the path. I then planted myself a few feet away from the jump as to get the perfect angle of Izac and his friend hitting the jump, but I was still far off the trail as not to get in the way. The boys were intentionally waiting a little while so we could get set up. Before they came down though, some guy (who I didn't know) came cruising down the trail. He hit the jump and sailed through the air, both tires leaving the dirt. Upon reentry something happened... I don't know whether I was a distraction standing there in the trees on the side of the trail or if his front tire blew when he landed, either way this guy ate dirt. Hard core! and I watched the whole thing happen... He couldn't breathe for a short time having the wind knocked out of him and almost acted as if he were dying. I was immediately scared and started to panic myself, I didn't know what to do. Gratefully, Izac's friend's dad had stopped a ways further down the trail and also came to help. I was given the task to make sure Izac and his friend would slow down and help people slow down so they didn't hit this guy who had crashed on the dirt trail. I was a little shaky as I jogged up the trail and caught them before they got too far. By the time we got to where the injured man was someone had called the 'dirt police' and they were in the process of loading him to get medical help. Someone told us they thought he broke his collar bone.

Based on the color of my face, I think the boys all agreed that it was time to take a break and get some lunch. I was very much okay with this, as after witnessing that crash I probably would have gone .05 miles per hour down the next trail just so I didn't break my collar bone... After some nourishment, I felt a little better and we all decided to hit the trails again.

There was one trail that I called the 'human jump trail', it was an 'advanced' trail for 'advanced' riders. The jumps on that trail were taller than a normal sized human and a bit intimidating to say the least. We had gone on the trail a few times before lunch and I had done just fine rolling my bike over the 'human jumps' while everyone else caught air lifting them and their bikes off the earth. Sometime after lunch and having hit a few trails, we decided to go on the 'human jump trail'.

About half way down this trail there were three 'taller than human jumps' right in a row. I was second to last in our bike line with Izac trailing behind me. I had been having a lot of fun and was confident to have him behind me, feeling like I wouldn't slow him down too bad. The first two 'taller than human jumps' I navigated with poise and ease, and felt very proud, my tires even left the dirt for a half second. I had some pretty good momentum going by the time I reached the third 'taller than human jump' and I got more air than I anticipated and began to lose control.

I partially landed, without much, if any control, and I was heading for a really BIG tree. The tree stepped right in my way and my bike and body both collided with that BIG tree. It wasn't a very soft tree either because I couldn't breath when it decided it was through with me. I felt like the guy that I saw crash earlier... 

I felt like I was dying. I couldn't breathe and that made me panic which only constricted my breathing further.

I was scared.

Scared for my life.







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