Teton Village Continued

Knocking on death's door, or so I felt, Izac was right next to me in an instant trying to make sure I was breathing and alright. I didn't want him there, but I wanted him there at the same time. I really felt like I was dying; I couldn't find air to breathe. I craved his comfort but was too embarrassed and humiliated to face him. I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there for a very long time. When I finally caught a little breath, the tears came with an uncontrollable force that I couldn't have stopped if my life depended on it. Izac, after making sure I was alive, alright and breathing ran the bike he rented up the hill and put it there so people coming down would see it and slow down before hitting the jump and colliding into me.

I hurt.

With all the adrenaline the first hurt felt more emotional than anything, my pride and skill in handling the mountain on a bicycle was humbled real fast. The second hurt was pain, raw pain all over. It didn't feel like I broke anything and I could move so my next major concern was the bike.

The bike.

 I was riding my boyfriend's bike. I panicked as I checked for possible damage. He kept meticulous care of the bike and it was in GREAT condition before I got a hold of it... It looked like the handle bars might have been twisted some but other than than I couldn't see any visible damage (internal sigh of relief). Taking note that I still didn't seem to have any broken bones, the bike seemed alright, and my breath was coming back, I just wanted to get off of that hill and hide in a hole for a very, very long time. I was mad at myself, embarrassed and frustrated beyond description.

Why?

Why on earth did that tree have to get in my way!? Why did I have to try and 'show off' and ruin it?! Why was I going so fast?! They were the 'taller than human' jumps, why couldn't I try to 'show off' on something a little bit smaller?! I no longer felt like 'that girl' that was impressive and desirable. My crying red face only made my confidence plummet even further. I am not an attractive crier in the least bit, my face turns splotchy red and looks ridiculous. I hate crying in front of people. Especially someone I'm trying to impress... With confidence destroyed, I slowly got back on the bike, lacking a better idea of what to do with myself.

On the way down the hill I found that I had bloodied up my elbow, and had various other points of sore spots. I think I hit the tree harder than I thought. Even though I was in the height of frustration with myself I was grateful that it was only Izac behind me and not his friend or friend's dad.

By the time I let gravity carry me down the remainder of the trail I had cooled down some and made it a little easier for Izac to talk to me. Izac really was sweet, concerned and worried. He had watched the whole thing happen and I am sure I scared the crap out of him. He told me how grateful he was that I was alright. He had something in his hand, that upon further scrutinizing, I figured out was the plastic piece from my helmet. I had completely broke it off. I must have really hit hard. I was very grateful I had a helmet on. I might have been a paralyzed or dead if not... 

After some adrenaline wore off, I was starting to get sore and knew that I was going to feel that one for a while but I couldn't let the mountain win. I had to go down again. We made sure there wasn't any deeper damage on me and that the bike was still operational; everything seemed to be fine so we went down again.

I was in no mood or condition to keep up this time. I just wanted to get safely down the hill without running into anymore trees. Prove that my 'horse' bucked me off but I was going to get right back on. I was quite a bit slower after my encounter with a tree. We did a couple more leisure runs before I told the boys I wanted to sit out and rest for a bit while they went on a few more runs, at their pace.

 I had just wanted to prove to be so good, confident, and talented on the hill and I felt I had failed myself and my man. There was nothing to be done about it though and he still seemed to want to be with me even though I had crashed. So I did my best to let the crash be in the past and remember the good things about the day. I had rode a bike on dirt trails with three men all day and did quite well other than a 'minor' and 'small' mishap with a tree jumping in my way. ;)

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