Humbled through Performing

What I learned performing. As many of you know I have been to a Limitless event. In these events they talk a lot about positive talk and affirmations that help us get the results that we want. My brother-in-law has been on a church mission and about a year ago his mom approached me with the idea of playing a duet together at his homecoming (which is where he reports some about his mission). I hadn't performed in front of an audience since high school. So I was looking forward to it and thought it would be a good experience. I had plenty of time to practice, and thought that if I knew my music good enough and kept up with the positive affirmations that I would ace it.The time came for us to play and there was like 70 family members there plus those that normally go to that church, which adds up to be A LOT of people and....  I really didn't remember the nerves that come to me with playing the piano in front of a TON of people. I tried every positive manifesto in the book but I struggled to calm my nerves. Somewhere in the back of my head was a memory:

I was ten or so maybe a little older and I had a piano recital coming up. My teacher was requiring us to memorize one of our pieces. The one I memorized was a jumpy staccato tune called 'The Ticking Clock' or something similar. The day of the recital arrived. It was in the library and thirty or so people were there. My nerves began to perspire on my face. I knew my song and had practiced, but as my turn came I wondered if I remembered any of it. By some miracle I made it through the first two lines of the song and then I just forgot. Simple as that. Mind Blank. I couldn't remember how the song went. My cheeks reddened in embarrassment and I was deeply humiliated.
This unfortunate memory has been at the back of my mind. That is not the last time I performed but it is a time that brings raw emotion when I think about it. I wanted to prove that I could play this duet with my mother-in -law well. I kept telling myself that I was good at the piano: that I had put in plenty of practice (I would say 12 hours minimum on that song alone) that I knew everything I needed to do to make it a success but...

I. Messed. Up.
        
It was pretty bad too, and at a simple part. I was so embarrassed! It wasn't just for me. I was embarrassed for messing up so bad with my mother-in-law and making her look bad too. I had imagined our song going so well and being very touching but I really messed it up. I was very discouraged and tempted to vow to never play the piano in front of an audience again. Why did that have to happen that way? Why did I mess up? Why didn't my positive thinking and manifesto's work? I have dwelt a lot on this event and really thought about it; and this is what I have learned.

 I. Was. Humbled. I really thought that I could do it. I was excited to do it well. I was excited to be congratulated and feel good about what I had done, and the work put forth. I wanted so bad for it to go well. I wanted to touch the audience with a stellar performance.We got through the song but it wasn't how I envisioned it.

I am human. You are human. We still make mistakes just like I did while playing the piano in front of a ton of family and church members. Part of me just wanted to leave that thorn in my side and tell people how horrible that I did, and how I ruined it all... Until my amazing eternal companion told me that it really wasn't that bad and with my mother-in-law playing too it wasn't too noticeable. He told me that it was good and I wasn't allowing anyone to thank me that it was good because I thought it went so horrible. He also pointed out that I messed up maybe a couple of times but I got the rest of the song right. I did well more than I did horrible and that was something worth thinking about. 

So am I going to stop doing my positive manifestos because my piano performance didn't go as I planned? No, they greatly add value and happiness in to my life, and I believe in some way they did work. I could have really messed it up but I played more notes right (quite a few more, thankfully) than I did wrong ones. I learned that I am human and am not perfect and will have to find better ways to deal with my nerves in the future. It was a good learning experience to remember that large mistakes can still happen, but we can learn from them. I could have vowed not to perform again but instead I am going to keep trying (as daunting as it sounds right now...). And that is what our journey is all about, is to keep trying, moving forward, and learning. What mistakes are you learning from? How are you improving because of them?

I have written some blogs about the positive self talk and manifestos that are apart of the nine laws of conscious creation. To read about them click HERE!