Card Board Puzzles

There is this awesome book that I bought a while ago that I haven't used near enough.

Anyways, I am supposed to do weekly activities with Ryker that help him learn. I finally pulled it out the other day and the activity of the week was to make a simple puzzle, so I did. I'm not really proud of the ones that I made, for my art work is terrible, but it was a fun activity for me to make and I found great joy in teaching Ryker how to put them together. If you can't tell what they are because of my fine art; I drew a house, a car, and a butterfly that my brother said looked like a moth... I am not an artist, its a fact I've accepted, but my 18 month old gets the jest of it (I hope...). 

I drew them on white paper, colored them with crayons, taped them on cardboard and cut them with scissors. :) They are real simple but his favorite to put together is the car (imagine that :) ).

See I think he likes my art ;-) Anyways, it was kind of fun and an easy thing to blog about.

Motherly Anguish

      The other night Izac and I were just getting ready to go to bed when we heard a noise from Ryker's room. He had been put to bed a couple hours prior and had been asleep. The noise resembled that of gagging, coughing, or choking, so I ran in there to make sure he was still breathing and he was sound asleep, bum in the air face laying on the mattress. I was confused and looked around and then the smell hit me. It was the smell of fresh puke. I moved his blankets a little more and found exactly what I had smelt. Baby puke all over. I woke Ryker up getting him out of the crib and handed him over to daddy to get him bathed while I changed his bedding.
I. did. not. want. a. sick. kid...
     We got him bathed and settled back in bed and a short time later he threw up again. I let Izac sleep this time because there wasn't a lot and he had to be to work in the morning. After some time Ryker went back to sleep, as did I.
For. a. short. time.
      I woke up with a start. A thought came into my mind. I instantly knew that it was one of those motherly instinct thoughts that has awaken many a mothers in the night. I recalled that earlier that day I had let Ryker play with one of my make up brushes while I was trying to get ready for somewhere we had to be. It was a smaller brush and soon he had pulled the brush part away from the handle thing, I took the brush part away and told him not to put the other piece in his mouth. He walked off into the other room with no noise. I hurriedly followed him and checked for the handle part but it wasn't in his hands or anywhere. I couldn't find it on the floor either. He seemed to be acting fine so I picked him up and we left to our appointment. I didn't think about the brush or the small handle he had played with again...
Until. I. woke. up. with. a. start. at. 3 am.
     I knew it, I just knew that was why he was throwing up. He had swallowed the handle to my make up brush I began panicking, knowing that it was probably big enough that that his little body wouldn't be able to naturally pass it through. I was sick to my stomach thinking that I had neglected to watch my child more closely with such little objects. I began praying to my Heavenly Father that I would be able to find the piece or that our little one would be able to throw it up. I didn't stop earnestly praying.
Sleep.was. useless.
      The thought came to me that I should go check the laundry and see if he had perhaps thrown up that piece and if it was in his soiled blankets and sheets. I made my way to the basement and went through every piece of material that had been in the wash and... nothing. I didn't know what to do... I went in and Ryker was sleeping peacefully so I decided to go lay back down, all the while continuing my prayers to my Father in Heaven. I worried about having to tell Izac that I had let Ryker play with a piece that he could swallow.  All sorts of thoughts and possibilities were racing thought my thought. I thought about having to have a chest X-ray, and the $300.00 co-pay for every X-ray. I thought about the X-ray and seeing that piece in his stomach. I thought about the doctors telling us that the only way to get it out would be surgery at Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake. I thought about how this would wipe Izac and I clean financially.
I. just. laid. there. praying. hard. thinking. and. letting. time. pass.
     After a little while, the all to familiar noise of my son throwing up got me straight out of bed. I told Izac he threw up again and went in to clean him up. There wasn't a lot of throw up and no make up brush handle in it but Ryker was wide awake. First, I decided to look up on the internet symptoms of swallowing something, so Ryker sat on my lap and we looked it up. I read things like '...child will loose appetite and not want to eat...' Ryker had been a terrible eater since it had happened. '...vomiting is a sign that your child has swallowed something...' I was really getting worried... Ryker had, all of those symptoms. I was a terrible mother and we were going to have to pay (literally) because of me... I began pleading even harder, 'Heavenly Father, please help him throw it up, or let the doctors tell us he will be able to poop it out... Please help me...
Please. let. it. not. lead. to.surgery...'  
       I took our little boy to my rocking chair and we rocked together for a minute before he wanted to get up to play. I figured this was as good as time as any to break the news to Izac of what I thought had happened. I went in and tried as gently as I could to wake Izac up. Soon he was awake and I told him everything that I thought had happened. He didn't raise his voice or yell or call me a bad mom he just seemed disappointed and talked about what this would cost us. He didn't think that Ryker would be able to pass the piece naturally either. I told Izac we had been by the dresser and Izac started looking for the piece...
I took Ryker in my arms and started rocking him again and abruptly he got out of the chair and started gagging, I held the blanket next to his mouth and he threw up in the blanket, I encouraged him to get it out, throw it up.
I. wanted. the. piece. to. come. with. the. puke.
      Soon he was finished and I put the blanket in the laundry and went to help Izac look. I hadn't found it earlier and didn't have very high hopes of finding it but we went to help anyways. I had a thought, that I don't think I can rightfully call a thought. I think it was more like the Spirit telling me where to look. The thought was check the drawers of the dresser.... I checked the first drawer and not make up brush handle.
I. checked. the. second. drawer...
And...
        I felt something. I felt something little and hard that did not feel like a sock. I pulled it up and to my great relief I found the makeup brush handle right there! I can't even begin to describe the weight and pressure that was moved off of me! Ryker was sick from something else and he hadn't swallowed my make up brush handle. As soon as I touched that hard plastic I knew that my Heavenly Father had answered my earnest prayers! I profusely thanked him for being there for me and answering my prayers. And just a couple hours before I was going to take Ryker into the doctors office. 
He. is. there. He. does. listen. and. He. does. answer. prayers.
      Ryker acted very hungry after he threw up the last time in my blanket, we fed him like six saltine crackers and gave him some Pedialyte drink. Izac couldn't go back to sleep and decided to go to work at 5:30 am. Ryker held down the crackers, went back to bed at 6:00 am and slept until 10:00 am. He didn't throw up again. I didn't have to take him to get a chest X-Ray that morning. My prayers had been answered by a loving Heavenly Father!

He. is. there.
He. does. listen. and.
He. does. answer. prayers.

Family Photos 2.0.1.4.

Summer has just been way to much fun, and I haven't made time for blogging like I should. I have got a few comments that I should pick it up again; so here I am trying to pick it up again. To make up for my slacking I will post some of our family pictures we got taken this fall :) 

A Couch in a field.

 Ryker likes to pose.

We like to kiss.

 Ryker and another of his poses.

Its kind of creepy but I love this one :)

Happy Family!!

 I think he learned to put grasses in his mouth from my dad...

Aren't we the cutest?

I love how the pictures in the field, in the overalls turned out!

I love our little family SO much!

Cousin Zeke and Ryker.

The boys with Uncle Kaden who is now in England on a mission!

Well... Not much... but it's a start right?

My Eclampsia Story

Approximately 365 days ago I was preparing to go to bed as any other night. I scrubbed the make up off of my face with my dampened wash cloth and proceeded to brush my teeth. As soon as I was finished with my nightly bathroom routine I laid down and felt the baby move inside of me. It is a different feeling than I had ever felt before, feeling a baby move inside and it is difficult to explain. As my husband came to lay by my side he put his hand on my protruding belly and felt our little one kick. I was always happy when the baby was moving because I knew that meant a healthy little boy was forming inside. I was 31 weeks pregnant and was excited that my husband and I were going to have our first sweet child in 9 or 10 weeks. 

A few nights prior, I was itching the skin on my arm and a scab no bigger than a pin top came off. It was so little I didn't even know it was there. It bled, and bled, and bled. I was surprised at how much it was bleeding for how little it was. It was fascinating me in a weird sort of way. The spot wasn't clotting like my skin normally did. I showed Izac, and eventually we got it stopped but it took awhile. I really didn't think too much of it after that. In fact I don't think it really crossed my mind again for quite some time. 

I had also recently fattened up. My face became more round than it had been before, my belly was big and my pants and shoes became tight. I just figured I was one of the unlucky ones that was privileged to get extra fat during the pregnancy. It was another thing I didn't really think twice about. 

I had had a doctors appointment the last week. It was one in which they had to take some blood for some test or another. I HATE needles. OK, that's being generous, I don't just hate them, but I hate them like a fly hates a fly swatter. I always get real nervous when I have to get poked for any reason. I can't watch it and I always bring a jacket to put over my eyes. 

They called me back into the room and I sat on the papered table. I was trying to be patient while I waited for the nurse to come back and get my blood pressure and weight. My heart rate was accelerating in anticipation of having to get poked by a needle. 

Finally, the nurse re-appeared and took my blood pressure. The look on her face told me that what she read wasn't good. She proceeded to ask me if anything was bothering me or on my mind. I told her that I had a phobia of needles and wasn't looking forward to getting my blood drawn. She replied that that must be why my blood pressure was so high and we were going to try again after I had been poked. 

The poking was terrible, as it always is, but I felt myself relax some when it was over. She came back in to take another blood pressure and noted that it had decreased from where it was before. Her and the doctor gave me a hard time about being so paranoid over needles. 

Those few events led up to the night that I will continue describing to you.    

Thoughts of motherhood brought me sweet joy. Everything was going to work out perfect. I was going to graduate with my Bachelors degree in July and then our little Ryker was going to come in August. I secretly hoped that he would come five days after my due date because then he would be born on big Ryker's birthday. Big Ryker was my cousin who had passed away in a drowning accident, he was my age and Izac and I felt it appropriate for many reasons to name him our baby after him (lucky for us our family members agreed).  

I had heard that it is common for girls to go over their due date with their first pregnancy and I was just fine with that happening to me. I was pretty average in everything that there was, so I figured it would all work out to my mental planning. 

We had plenty of time to have a baby shower and to find the rest of the baby items that we needed. I was looking forward to stocking the nursery before the baby came. It was going to be all organized, clean and ready to go. 

A short time after feeling the baby 'kick' him, I heard deep breathing coming from from my husband and I knew that he was asleep. I was having a pain in my rib that was keeping me awake. I had felt rib pains before but nothing quite this intense. I figured it was just part of the journey of being a pregnant woman and I continued to try and fall asleep. Sleep evaded me for quite sometime. The pain just would not let me rest. It was a weird pain that was constant and intense enough to keep me from shutting my eyes.

I decided that I was going to go try and watch a movie. Movies always put me to sleep, just ask my husband. I picked some western type chick flick that I knew Izac wouldn't like to watch and I started it. If this didn't work I didn't know what I was going to do... By the time I got the movie started it was around 1:30 am. Which is way later than I like to go to bed. 

I needed sleep. 

I had my internship and classes to attend the next day. I don't always do to the best on little sleep so I was really hoping my chick flick would lull me to sleep. 

While the movie was playing I tried holding my hand on my rib in the most painful spot, applying pressure. I tried laying on my back and on my side. I tried smashing my rib cage between some pillows but nothing was relieving my pain. The movie just kept on a rolling. It played and played and my rib kept hurting. To me it felt like just one rib was hurting on one side. It was getting to be excruciating. I wasn't even able to properly follow the movie that I was watching because I was thinking about the pain.  

The movie thing clearly wasn't working so I decided to read. I enjoyed reading, but reading at night always had that extra kick to make me tired. I tried to read, and to comprehend what I was reading but it wasn't working either. That incessant pain was there and it wouldn't go away no matter what way I laid or how much pressure I put on and off of my ribs. I was becoming exhausted and wanted so bad for sleep to come.

It was now about four in the morning and I decided that maybe I needed to wake Izac up and have him rub my ribs. I hated to do this because my wonderful husband worked so hard. He had long days at school, he rose early for class and went to bed late doing homework, and he was always working hard to make us a living. I hated to make him miss out on his already limited sleep. 

I was in some pretty agonizing pain though and I caved in and woke him up. He began rubbing my ribs and at times it felt better to where I could almost relax. It took some time but eventually I was able to fall into a sleep of pure exhaustion.

I have been told what happened next but I truly do not remember any of it...

Izac fell back to sleep shortly after I did and a short time later he was awakened because I was having a 'fit' as he described it. He said that I was rigid as a board and violently shaking. He called my parents, who fortunately lived around the corner, and my dad came over and assisted Izac in giving me a Priesthood blessing. I seemed to relax and my parents went back home.

An hour or so later after Izac had fallen back to sleep he was woken up from me going through another 'fit' a little more intense this time. I chipped a tooth amid the 'fit' and he was scared to death. He had no idea what was going on and was really worried for me. He immediately phoned my parents again and my mom came over and took us straight to the hospital.

Parts of the ride to the hospital are still in my memory. I remember my mom was driving really fast, I didn't know why she needed to go so fast. I was fine... or so I thought.  Hardly anyone was on the roads at six in the morning. I was worried we were going to get pulled over. Those are about the only things I remember from that drive. 

Izac had his arm wrapped tightly around me in an embrace and tried to keep me talking. He asked me how old I was, how old he was and where I was from. Some of the questions I just couldn't answer, I just didn't remember...

I can't imagine the worry I was putting my poor husband through. I wasn't intentionally doing it and I really don't remember being asked too many questions but I do remember telling him that I loved him. That filled Izac with great comfort and helped him get through the events that were about to take place. 

We walked into the emergency room of the hospital and they sat me in a wheel chair. After sitting down I don't really remember anything. I don't know how I got in a hospital gown, or how I got into a hospital bed but I do remember being told that I was going to have to have a C-section. Right after I was told this news I bursted out bawling. I didn't want to have a C-section, I wanted to have my baby the normal way. I still had 9 weeks to go. I was a normal girl in almost every aspect of the word, why was I having a C-section at 31 weeks? After I started crying my memory is blank and void of what I went through next. I don't remember a single thing.

Devastated knowing that I was going to have to have a C-section, put me through another 'fit', this time even more intense. The 'fits' actually turned out to be seizures, classifying me for Severe Eclampsia. I was shaking uncontrollably on the bed and every medical personal in the room ran to help hold me down. I had already chipped a tooth at home. With such an uncontrollable shake anything could happen. Code blue was called throughout the hospital in my behalf. If you don't know what a code blue is, according to Merriam-Webster it is "a declaration of or a state of medical emergency and call for medical personnel and equipment to attempt to resuscitate a patient especially when in cardiac arrest or respiratory distress or failure"  Needless to say, I guess I was dying.

Izac and my mom were escorted to another room to agonizingly wait to find out my status. Was I alive? was I dead? was the baby ok? did the seizures harm the baby? what was wrong? what was going on? 

I had no idea at the time, but it was a life or death situation. If they did not get that baby out we were both going to be goners. The way it was later explained to me was that my body started recognizing the baby as foreign and started to fight it, to get rid of it.

On  June 10, 2013 Izac Hillam and I became parents to little Ryker Scott Hillam and he was little, weighing in at 3 lbs 9 oz and 18 inches long.

I remember being told that I had a baby but my unstable condition didn't allow me to see him at all the first day. I didn't get off of that hospital bed for the whole day. I think I was in and out of consciousness. My doctor was rightly concerned that I might go through more seizures. They took an MRI (which I don't remember them doing at all) of my brain and found what looked to be swelling. This had them really concerned that I wasn't going to be the same Joslyn that I was before this whole episode took place. I had one concerned mother a concerned husband and many other family members and friends, who were now aware of my condition.

The next day I seemed improved slightly and they allowed me to be wheeled to the NICU to look at our baby through the incubator. He was so tiny. His cry was so fragile. I couldn't believe that that scrawny boney crying human was my son. I wanted to hold him but I wasn't up to it in strength or stamina. Just riding in the wheelchair to the NICU for 20 minutes about did me in and I fell right to sleep when we got back. 

That night my rib pain came back. It felt just like it had the night I couldn't fall asleep. I told my mom and Izac, who had been at the hospital this whole time and they jumped right on it contacting my nurse and doctor. They put me on a medication that I don't remember the name of and I fell back to sleep.

When I finally woke up at who-knows-what-time I noticed that I had IV's and all sorts of needles stuck everywhere, protruding out of my arms. Normally, this would have put me into a hysterical fit but I was really not myself, they were just annoying to move. I also had the privilege to wear those air boot sock things that were wrapped around my feet and would periodically fill up with air. They were annoying too.

(My arms after I got everything removed)

I was stuck on an all liquid diet because of the medication and the worry of more seizures. When my appetite finally started to come back, liquids wasn't what I really wanted... I don't remember what it was I wanted, maybe some pancakes with maple syrup and butter, maybe a medium rare steak with a baked potato lathered in sour cream and butter, or maybe just peanut butter m&ms; but I couldn't have any of those things. However, I did get all the chicken/beef broth and jello that I wanted :)  

Eventually, I was well enough that I could hold my baby for the first time. I was so  nervous to hold him. He had just as many needles coming out of him as I did but his were located in his head... I didn't want to do any harm to my baby but I wanted oh so bad to hold him. He was our miracle and I wanted to hold his breathing body in my arms. 

The moment was tender and brought tears to my eyes. My husband was there, my baby was there and we were all alive in that hospital room together. I felt so comforted to know that we were united with an eternal bond that no matter if our baby made it through or not we were sealed together to be an eternal family. That knowledge helped pull me through many tough times and days in the NICU with our little Ryker. 

Our little boy didn't want to come late as I had mentally planned for him to. Instead he chose to come in the middle of my last semester at college, in the middle of my internship, and in the middle the job I had for a physical therapist. The timing really wasn't the best, and took us all by surprise. My nursery wasn't ready. The house wasn't clean and I hadn't had a baby shower. Izac and I were all the sudden parents two months before we thought we would be. 

Now as I look back on it, if things didn't happen the way they did (him coming so early), I don't know if I would be a stay at home mom like I am today. I probably would have had a job lined up after my internship to help me get some experience in the field of my degree. Once I got in the workplace I know it would have been really hard for me to quit, especially if I moved up the ladder like I had planned to do. I probably would have put off quitting and put it off until it was too late. The Lord truly knows us individually. He knew that I needed to be a stay-at-home-mom and that my primary responsibility was for my family.  

We had some ups and downs in having our baby in the NICU for 35 days and being transferred twice during that time (those are stories for another time). But all in all everything worked out. I came back to my normal self begging the doctor to release me from the hospital prison. He thought I was crazy for planning to go to class the next week and thought I should take two weeks off. Have you ever taken two weeks off of a college course? It's is no bueno and in some cases not possible. I was feeling like a new woman and needed to get somethings in my life done. 

The doctor let me out after I had been in the hospital for a full week. He told me that my blood not clotting, the swelling (my fat face, belly and legs), and the high blood pressure were all signs of 'preeclampsia'. My condition turned into eclapmsia because I had the seizures with it. The seizures are bad and they try to avoid those at all costs... Over time, I completed a full recovery with a six inch scar reminding me of the morning our first child and son was born.   

 Somehow, through a process I don't even remember, I gave birth to our son. I was his mom and things were going to work out. At times since his birth the days and weeks have gone by rather slow but looking back at it now the year has gone by fast. Its weird for me to think that I have a one year old. Some days it is difficult for me being 'just a mom' but I know without a doubt in my mind that this is where I am supposed to be.

(Sometime I will have my mom and Izac write their side of the story and feelings of what happened on June 10, 2013, That will give you more feel on what they were thinking and feeling during the times I don't remember anything and make the story more intriguing.)

Bear Lake

A Continuation of 'Dreams and Fantasies'

One Saturday Izac invited me to go to Bear Lake, Utah with him for a family reunion. His grandparents health was declining and it was important to Izac that I go with him to meet more of his family. On the way there I found of that some of Izac's relatives had helped settle the Bear Lake area. 

There was food, fun and family which made for a rather joyous afternoon. They performed skits and songs, threw footballs and Frisbee's and just made a wonderful time of the afternoon. When the family activities had calmed we decided to go down to the lake. Ryker and Emma's death still weighed heavily on my mind and I was a little bit leery of getting in. Izac held me close as we got in and didn't let go of me. I felt protected in his embrace and calm words of encouragement. My love for him increased with his tender actions and words.

There was a jet ski that a family member had rented for everyone to use and soon enough Izac and I had a turn. He was pumped to rip through the waves and make me hold on as tight as I could to him. He was no dummy, he knew that the faster he went the tighter I would hold on. I guess he liked that or something :) . 

One time we were going pretty fast straight down the lake when Izac jerked the steering wheel to turn a sharp donut. I lost my grip on him in surprise and flew off the jet ski. I got my breath held in time but water slammed up my nose with such force that I came up sputtering. (I was wearing a life jacket). Izac rushed over to make sure that I was alright. He was concerned for my well being but seemed happy that he had been able to buck me off. Shortly after this incident, Izac became somewhat discouraged because he told me were were on a 'gutless wonder' and the jet ski had no power to do the things that he wanted it to do, that it should. I was thinking that it had plenty of power, which made me nervous for what a 'powerful' jet ski could do under my man's control. 

To finish up a perfect day we went to Bear Lake's Demolition Derby. If you don't know what a demolition derby is it is where a lot of cars go into a rodeo arena and try to crash into each other. The last one running wins. They are a blast to go to and the drivers love it as much as the audience. Once the whole arena held their breath as a car was flipped over upside down. Finally as the minute-seconds ticked by the driver was helped out and was alright. The derby continued as soon as they got the car flipped back over. 

Don't you just love the freedoms that we experience in America that allow us to do fun, American things like this? I love America, I've got a strong American pride!

I don't remember who won the derby but I do remember sitting on that hillside with Izac's hand in mine watching cars crash under the American Flag. The spirit of freedom was thick in the atmosphere almost bringing tears to my eyes. 

I love Izac and I love America!

   I got the picture from: http://toptenpk.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/american-flag.jpg

Dreams and Fantasies

A Continuation of 'Chubby Jumping'

In the next week we spent time together biking around Idaho Falls, laughing and talking together. Every minute I was with my Izac I grew more and more fond of him. Ever since those three little words had been uttered off of our lips we knew that we were both serious about the relationship lasting. We talked about the future, about how we were raised and opinions we had about various things that were important to us. 

We were continuing our country dancing and we were getting rather good at it. We were rather proud of ourselves if I say so myself ;-) As he twirled me effortlessly around the floor, we smiled at each other in sheer enjoyment of the moment. We were in love and everyone there could tell. Nothing could pry our eyes off of each other, and every song we danced circles around everyone else. It was the time of my life and I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. 

On a particular slow song, a type of waltz, Izac whispered to me how he and I were going to be the couple that everyone looked at and said 'dang! they can dance'. My smile spread from ear to ear and I soaked up his compliment. We danced together. We were getting good at it. And we enjoyed it. I told him that maybe we could show everyone at a reception someday how good we were, perhaps our own reception... He readily agreed and instantaneously plans went into action of what moves and songs we would use. I was a giddy school girl who wanted nothing more than to be with Izac Hillam forever!

In one of our conversations when we were talking about the future, we told each other what a fun and ideal honeymoon would be. I felt sheepish and a touch of embarrassment as I told him what I had always imagined. I just wanted to stay in a cabin. Preferably with five feet of snow, or at least enough to keep us snowed in. :) I thought that would the most romantic thing in the world. Just the two of us snuggled and huddled in a warm cabin with it snowing outside. Perhaps I had read too many western novels about romantic cabins but nonetheless it was what sounded most wonderful to me, even better than a cruise or a trip to Disneyland. 

My face tinged red as I finished telling Izac of what I wanted. I don't know why I was embarrassed but I was. He had the biggest smile and adornment in his eyes as he told me that he had similar desires. He thought a cabin would be really enjoyable and he didn't seem to mind the idea of us being snowed in with five feet of snow outside. I was blushing rather red now, the reason for my embarrassment rather obvious from the topic of our conversation. We were talking about a honeymoon and we weren't even engaged, we hadn't even looked at rings or picked out a date...

We were left to our own thoughts as the conversation died down, when Izac got a mischievous look in his eyes and suggested that we look at dates. I tried so hard not to let my excitement show too much; I had dreamed of getting married my whole life and now here I was talking dates and honeymoon with my man. As we looked at a calendar February looked good, Izac would be out of his busy work season and it was still rather snowy at that time of year. It wasn't set in stone yet but we had decided it might be a time that worked for us. It was our secret to think about and look forward to when we weren't together. When ever the topic of snow... or cabin came up in conversations with others we would inwardly smile and think of the future.

I got the picture from: http://sun-surfer.com/photos/2012/01/Snow-covered-cabin.jpg 

  

Chubby Jumping!

A Continuation of 'Love'

Our big giant sunflower continued to blossom as Izac and I spent more time together. I was unbelievably happy and having the best time of my life in everything I did (especially when Izac was involved :) ). One particular time Izac and I were at his parents house with his little brother and sister. One way that we filled our time, so that our physical attraction didn't control our relationship, was to spend time with each others families getting to know them. This particular night his parents were at a meeting and we decided to get crrazy! 

The fun started by gathering pillows, blankets, and all the baggy clothing that we could find. We were going to make ourselves as ridiculously big around as we could and wait nonchalantly on the steps for his parents to get home. We put the large shirts and sweats on and began stuffing every nook and cranny with pillows and blankets and any other thing that would add volume to our physic. We joked and laughed with each other the whole time. Some of the silliest things you can think of doing become the funnest and the greatest memories. This was one of those silly things that is a great memory for us. 

Before we made our way to the front steps to await their arrival, we had our own talent show and tried cartwheels, somersaults, and handstands. Comical is an understatement to describe this event. Soon my ribs, cheeks and stomach were hurting from laughing so hard. The 'rolls' would wiggle, jiggle, and bounce and flounce as we did our acrobatics. Soon we were all sweating admist our blankets and pillows and decided it was about time to wait for them to come. 

We chose the sexiest poses that we could think of and sprawled ourselves all over the front porch, taking up every available space with our bulging bodies. It wasn't long that we had to wait for his parents to arrive. They were speechless at the fast change of our bodies and took their turns exchanging laughter with us. 

After taking a moment, and allowing his parents to gain composure, Izac got an idea that we should go jump. 

Chubby jump.

We made our way to the trampoline and began chubby jumping. The sweat we started to break earlier from the acrobatics was nothing compared to the one we worked up on the tramp. We jumped, we spun, we played shooting chub (instead of shooting stars) and had a real good time. It was such a good time that someone even brought out a camera to capture the fun of the moment.

I came up with the idea to body slam Izac. We thought there was plenty of padding to make for a soft landing and not too big of a squish for Izac so we went for it. I didn't just pretend to jump and lightly fall on him. No. I jumped with all my umph and went flying through the air to belly flop right on the man who I wanted to marry. Thoughts of anyone getting hurt didn't cross my mind. We were stuffed with fluff. A fraction of a second before I landed on Izac, the thought came to me that this might hurt... It probably wouldn't hurt me though because I was landing on him... It was too late to change my mind... Gravity carried me down and I landed smack on Izac (more like smack on the pillows and blankets that were adorning his body.. but you get the idea :) ) 

For what seemed like a full minute there was no sound. 

Had I killed him?

Or severely hurt him?

What was I thinking?

When a sound was finally made it was laughter. He was hysterically laughing at the stress and worry that had lined my face. It wasn't hard for him to see that I was thinking twice about it, the second before I landed on him. I breathed a rather large sigh of relief which brought laughter from everyone in company. We ended up 'body' slamming a couple more times but I made a mental note to not jump quite as high as the first time again. 

        

Love

A continuation of 'Firelight'

My heart was thumping as fast as a rabbit's that just escaped a fox. 

Was it going to happen? 

Was he going to verbally tell me those three special words?

 Our eyes, full of emotion, carried the conversation back and forth. Under our diamond like sky, amidst the crackling fire and in the great outdoors Izac pulled me even closer and whispered with great affection in his voice: 'Joslyn.... I love you....'

I started melting right there in his arms. But before I completely melted away in bliss I replied back: 'Izac... I love you too... You are my best friend...'  

'And you mine Joslyn...' he muttered as he pulled me closer and I nestled in under his chin, 'And you mine...'

What ever part of me wasn't melted before was now completely a puddle of sheer happiness. I had never enjoyed being in a puddle so much. 

He held me in a hug for a brief minute before pulling me back to tenderly look in my eyes and pull me in for a kiss that just spoke what we had verbally confirmed. My puddle of happiness evaporated with his delicate kiss into a cloud of bliss. I was on cloud nine with Izac.

I never thought a love between two people could be so real, so full, so exciting, so honest, so wonderful, so worthy, and so absolutely fantastic. After the last few men that I had dated I really thought that I was going to have to settle on something or another...

But with Izac...

There was no settling... He was EVERYTHING I had ever hoped and dreamed for and more... He made me want to be a better person and aspire to more than I thought possible. I had that mental checklist of what I wanted my husband to be like and he fit every single one of them. How was such a beautiful love happening to me, Joslyn Waters? (Well, at the time it was 'Waters'  ;-) )  

At times when we were dating it often seemed to good to be true. I wrote frequently in my journal how I was scared or nervous that it was too good to be true. Guys like Izac just didn't exist. They were too stuck up.  They were too short. Too horny. Too young. To old.  Too concerned about money. Too not concerned about money. Too weird. Too much of a jock. Too... Too... Too...  But here was my 'perfect' man holding me close in a serene romantic setting and telling me that he loved me! Was I blessed? or lucky? or both?

We made our way over to a wooden picnic table that was nearby and laid side by side to enjoy the perfectly clear night, hand in hand. No words needed said for the moment. I didn't want to let go of his hand. I didn't want to leave his side. I wanted to be by him forever. Every waking and sleeping moment. I wanted to be there for him when he was sick. When he was happy. When he had good days and bad days. I wanted to enjoy my life with this man and spend the rest of eternity with him. I. wanted. to. marry. him. I wanted to be his wife and eternal companion. I knew it, and I was going to try my hardest to have things continue between us. 

'Izac...' I whispered quietly 'I have never told a guy that I loved them at the same time they told me... You are the first that I have told it to at the same time.' To me, that was another confirmation that what we had going was special and wonderful. It meant a lot to me for some reason. 

For me love was (and is) deep. It wasn't something that you just spouted off to anyone on the second date. It was a lot more than that to me. It was spending time with someone, learning of their likes and dislikes, their passions and pains. It was loving them for who they were and wanting to spend time with them. It was more than just the outward appearance or the physical attractions. It was spirituality and display of self control. It was honesty and virtue. 

Love. 

That is what Izac and I knew was blossoming between us, no weeds were going to choke us off and destroy us. At that moment in time lying by his side on the picnic table, that is how I felt. Like a big giant sunflower blossom.

I got the picture from here: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/pictures/20000/nahled/two-sunflowers-110661299854746a5r.jpg

Firelight

A Continuation of 'Biking Idaho Falls'

It was the weekend of the Waters Family Reunion and Izac was coming with us to meet the extended family and have a good weekend camping. The weekend consisted of a horseshoe tournament, floating the river, hiking, playing mafia and food. We were in the great outdoors and more than happy to be able to spend some extra time together.

Saturday evening the fire was crackling as we exchanged glances from each other, to the fire, and to the clear night sky. The air that we breathed was nothing but fresh mountain air, our minds were clear of homework, school and work. We had played hard enjoying mother nature and building relationships with my side of the family. We were alone watching the fire dance shadows across our bodies. The wind was calm as a retired man relaxing on the porch. The stars gleamed and shone as bright as diamond earrings in the summer sun. My heart was full of gratitude for the beautiful earth that the good Lord had created for us. The weekend had been phenomenal thus far and I didn't see how it could possibly get any better.

Izac stood and grasped my arm to pull me up next to him. His arms slid around me in a soft embrace. Being there in his arms next to the warm firelight made me realize how much I really cared for him. He was everything that I wanted and thus far he seemed as attracted to me as I was to him. He pulled me just a little bit closer, bringing me back to earth and where I was standing, gazing into his chocolate brown eyes. His eyes were full of admiration, but I could tell that he was nervous. I hadn't picked up that he was nervous until that moment. I was curious but decided to let the moment happen and wait to find out what was on his mind.

His whisper was deep, soothing and full of emotion.

'Joslyn...

I love being with you...

I love spending time with you....

And being around you...

At this moment in time my heart rate had accelerated. He was everything to me. Here we were in this romantic setting next to the cracking fire, and under the diamond like stars and my best friend was telling me that he really loved being with me and spending time with me. I was on cloud 9 far away from some of the devastating realities of life. After enjoying the complements he had given me I replied with added emotion in my own voice.

'Izac...

I feel the same...

I love every minute with you...

I love that you are active and love the outdoors...

I love that you are a worthy priesthood holder....'

I let the words hang, tears trying hard to escape my eyes. We just stood there letting our eyes confirm the words that we had just said to each other. The affection and admiration in the air was so thick that you could cut it. The best thing about it was that it was a mutual affection and admiration in every sense of the word. Things were going great for us. Little did I know they were about to get even better...

Spring Break

This is why I haven't written for a while...

Izac's spring break from school was this last week. Last summer it was one of our goals for Izac to get his Pilot's licence. It was all set and on track until our baby boy decided to come in June instead of August. We spent countless hours in the hospital while our baby was there for a month and a half. When we did bring our little one home it wasn't an easy adjustment for me and Izac tried to be around as much as he could. This did not allow him time to finish his pilots licence before winter snow's set in. 

Over the winter his instructor moved to Mesquite... In March his flight instructor offered to let us stay with them and build some hours during spring break. We considered it and decided that we were going to go for it. Ryker and I were able to go with him so we made a family vacation out of it. 

While Izac flew, Ryker and I put miles on the stroller and spent some time wandering around Mesquite. It was an enjoyable time but also extremely hot down there. One day it reached 95! We spent time in the pool, on walks and Izac and I even were able to watch the first 'Indiana Jones' (I haven't seen them yet..) while Ryker napped one day. 

 Izac flying high in the sky

My man and the plane he flew while in Mesquite

After one of Ryker's naps we found him like this. :)

Family photo at a park that had turtles in the pond. Our son was skeptical about me taking the picture... :)

To end our vacation off we decided to hit Zion's National Park. Izac had been there before and really enjoyed it and he wanted to show it to me. The both of us really enjoy being our in nature so I was pretty excited for this adventure. We planned to do Zion's on Friday so that we could surprise my family (They weren't expecting us to get home until Sunday, because the original plan was to go to Zions on Saturday) and get home on Saturday in time for my little brother's Eagle Scout Court of Honor.   

Zion's was STUNNING! I tried so hard to capture the beauty of it in a picture but none of them did it justice. It is just one of those things that you have to see for yourself to appreciate the true beauty of it. To begin our journey we drove through this LONG tunnel that people had made through it years ago. It was at least a mile long. I was in awe the whole ride through it. 

When you are driving through the tunnel there are holes of day light that they have carved out. This is one of those holes. :)

I really thought that the half circle, cave looking thing was cool!

WOW!

When we got our map, we found a few shorter hikes that we wanted to do. I think we ended up doing five in total. Our little boy hadn't had a nap yet that afternoon and at times on the trail he got a little fussy. He really wasn't as bad as he could have been though. Izac did a good job at carrying him and keeping him entertained. Ryker is not the kind to fall asleep in your arms... He only will fall asleep in his crib or sometimes in the car seat. He had his moments but we all survived and had a real good family time hiking. 

There were a TON of people there doing the same thing that we were doing and hiking the park. Five or Six times there was a traffic jam in the path. And can you guess what everyone was looking at? ...Squirrels... I see squirrels quite frequently and found it comical that everyone was so fascinated with them. After seeing like three or four of them, I just had to get a picture to prove that I had seen a squirrel at Zion's National Park. I probably could have picked this little guy up. He wasn't scared of me at all. 

Family photo. I can't remember which hike this was on but they were all BEAUTIFUL!

 If you can look past my handsome boys, you can see how beautiful it was there!

Breath taking.

At the end of our last hike. Sorry I recorded it at the wrong angle... Just tilt your head to the side and it will be like normal ;-)

Family photo on the shuttle that took us up the Canyon and then back to the car. This was on the way back after having a great day hiking! 

My sister and her husband also were here, from California, for my brother's Court of Honor and for the weekend and we have some pretty fun stories with them that will be for another blog. :)

I did post a new blog continuing our love story, it is found here if you are interested: Firelight