On a side note...

A friend in her blog referred her readers to another blog entitled The Moments We Stand . I had some time during my son's nap and I decided to check it out. I read all 29 (I think she has more now) of her posts (not all during nap time of course but over two or three days I read them all). She started this blog in January and it is about what happened in her family three years ago and how they coped. 

Ashlee is the woman that went through a horrific turn of events. The same night she found out her husband was murdered, she found out he hadn't been faithful to her. The man that killed him was his 'mistress's' husband. Together Ashlee and her husband had been married in the temple, married for (about) seven years and had 5 children together (all real young when the events happened). She writes her story all tells of the events leading up to his death, events after his death, and her constant learning and growing. She is really motivational and positive and constantly talks about the Savior and her testimony of him. It really has been inspiring to read. 

Here are just a couple of excerpts from her blogs:

"Heavenly Father knows that sometimes our pinnacles are greater than we can handle alone. That is why he sent us a Savior. I didn't have to carry around this pain. It was not mine to bear all by myself. There will always be a burden around each of our necks in one way or another. There will always be another hill to climb before we can reach the peace at the end of the road. Our journeys can sometimes feel unbearable and like we have been abandoned, overlooked, insignificant, and alone. We are never alone." -Ashlee  A dream of hope

"True joy comes when we put others ahead of ourselves. When we allow God to steer our course. I know that every day can seem a little bit more daunting than the last. The moments we stand can, at times, seem impossible. But true joy will not come if all we have is ourselves. Take care of the people who stand in those moments with you. Even if you can't feel the love that is pouring out all over you.... when the darkness fades, eventually you will be able to find it and focus on it. That love will be stronger than any selfish desire that tried to take you away from it." Ashlee- Not about YOU

"The world will tell you that you are not enough. They will make you feel like you are not measuring up in any of the things that you do. And most of the time, we listen. We allow the world to tell us that being a "stay at home Mom" is not a worthy title. The world will whisper to you that your potential is worth so much more than sitting at home and changing diapers. Voices are every where. Every magazine you read, every commercial you watch... Voices. Speaking to you. Make sure the voices you hear are the ones who are speaking words that are worthy of your time. Don't let the world's whisperings pull you away from the path that you want to live." -Ashlee Voices 

If you or anyone has the chance, I would encourage you to take a minute (or hours) to read her blog. It has inspired me in so many ways! She is writing her story in chronological order, so my suggestion is to start from the first and read them in order.

I got the picture from: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTehtziDvtwtDi1CcU55vnQHDa9pQXf7Dt1mY4W-__lZZQWn5HKkiaSKAYg2ZB_v_tzcqesWWZkRhfyHUpFg4InKN6kWHUeqaH_E7TnZYunj15V9HxIOjfBL3B5dXDI1WXpzCBTsseyJL5/s1600/funeral.jpg 

'Virgin Lips'

 A continuation of 'The Big Disappointment' 

Immediately we both glanced at the clock. There was still time... Twenty five yards after we missed the turn off, Izac quickly pushed hard on the brakes, causing our seat belts to tighten. He turned the Bronco around and headed straight for the entrance to Mesa Falls. The disappointment that previously hovered in the air was rapidly turned to mutual excited anticipation. My heart race started doing sprints impatiently waiting to reach the finish line. 

The night was quiet and peaceful, the sky above was clear, filled with glittering stars and a bright moon. The pine trees around us stood tall and majestic and filled our noses with pleasant smells. It was an absolute perfect setting. There was not a single other car there at Mesa Falls. Izac and I were there alone in the serene wilderness. 

This next part come straight from my journal:  'When we had turned to go back to Mesa Falls, I was thinking about it and I had prepared myself. I thought "Self, Izac has never kissed anyone, he doesn't know what to do and it might be awkward. It might just be a quick peck cause he'll probably be nervous." So I was prepared. We walked down to the falls [hand in hand] and it was cold. I was shaking a bit (I don't know if I was shaking from the cold or from the sheer prospect of what was happening). We walked a ways down. The moon was shining on our faces. He held me close, our faces touching, we breathed close to each other, almost teasing each other; raising both of our heart rates. He whispered that he was nervous. I said that I was too, because I really was. My heart had never raced quite like that(We had patiently waited, really gotten to know each other and it made a real difference ). I don't think I've ever been so emotionally attached to someone. After a short time in bliss, our lips met. And it wasn't at all what I expected! Not a peck, it was so sweet and tender and warm... My heart was beating so fast! It was so romantic! So much better than I ever imagined it's be!'    

We were both on cloud nine soaring away as we gathered ourselves back in the Bronco to continue our journey to my apartment. I was SO happy! I don't think anything could have dampened my mood at that moment. 

On the ride home we talked about how good it was that we hadn't kissed in the pool that day. Izac complimented me for doing that and it felt SO good and SO worth it for staying strong.

I had learned from my past that kissing and laying down was not something that should be done before marriage; I told Izac right there and then in his Bronco that I didn't want to kiss while laying down... and... he agreed! What an amazing guy I had, he was willing to respect my wishes and he had desires to make this relationship last, as did I. We were going to work at it and we were going to do it together. 

I liked Izac.
He liked me. 
And we had just shared our first kiss.

Back at the apartment I gave him my gift. I was nervous and somewhat embarrassed that it was so simple. My bad blubbering habits kicked in, and I explained it like five times. He opened it and I thought that he really liked it; he seemed excited about it and that made me feel better about the simplicity. He leaned his head down and kissed me before he left to go back to his apartment. We had a great day and it ended with a bang! :)   

Izac's and I's first kiss was made special for so many reasons. We held back and learned a lot about each other; we knew that we liked the other person for who they were. We both wanted that kiss but we wanted it to be special; to be our 'special gift'. We both recognized that kissing was sacred and shouldn't be miss used. So many people kiss who ever, when ever, for fun, there was more meaning to a kiss for both of us. After a month and a half of dating and seeing each other almost every single day our lips had met. What was one of the most special things to me was that I was Izac's first kiss ever. On his 22nd birthday he got his first kiss, he had 'virgin lips' until that day. To me, he is the best example of self control and remaining strong for his standard and beliefs. I respect Izac for waiting, in so many ways. That night our mutual attraction was deepened with a simple but powerful kiss.  



I got the picture at http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/24/4c/fa/244cfa9b8ff539963a252f9565f6a82c.jpg

The Big Disappointment

A continuation of 'That Play-Mill Diva'

The girl who had kissed my man on the cheek only appeared in the first two acts of the play to never return. I don't know if she felt my envy vibes and left, or if that is all she was supposed to act. Either way I was more than fine with her disappearance. 

The play its self ended up being great. They were humorous, witty and very good at what they did through acting out the story. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I would recommend to anyone to go to 'The Playmill Theater' in West Yellowstone, it is worth it!- (unless of course you have a new boyfriend,           and its his birthday,          and you don't want a girl stranger to kiss him on the cheek...).

Once back at the cabin, Izac and I settled into a hammock while dinner was being made. We were laying nigh side by side. Everything about the moment was so beautiful. The mountain air was utterly refreshing, the strong scent of pine tickling our noses. The bright sun warming the air that we breathed. The wonderful man lying next to me that was intoxicating my senses.

I was next to Izac.

I was one happy girl.

For a moment we enjoyed the beautiful nature that surrounded us. The birds chirping happy songs in the trees, the insects crawling slowly about in the grass, and the scent of wild flowers amid the pine; it was picture perfect. Izac began softly talking to me. He told me that he really wanted to make things work between us. He really wanted us to continue and have a future together. I was pretty sure that he meant that he wanted marriage between us to be in the future and I was very elated at the prospect.

I was next to Izac.

I was one very happy girl.

Soon we were called in to eat of the birthday dinner. We left our hammock and our dreams of the future together; they were ours and we weren't ready to share them with anyone.

After some excellent BBQ chicken and pineapple we played Frisbee with the family. It was a picture perfect American moment just thoroughly enjoying life with family and friends. Before long, Izac and I knew that we needed to head back in order to make it in time for curfew.

We were going to take the Mesa Falls scenic loop in order to get back to our apartments. Mesa Falls is a beautiful waterfall that has man made decks that somewhat overhang the Falls, allowing you to feel the majesty of the falling water. Izac's dad mentioned in passing that we just needed to get straight back to our apartments  (I think he was inferring that we shouldn't take any unnecessary detours)...

Making our way back home alone together, we briefly considered taking his dad's advise to make a V line to the apartments but last minute Izac turned on the road that would lead us by Mesa Falls. Throughout the day I felt that this might be the day for that 'special' moment between us. It was his birthday and I wanted to give him more than just the monetary things I had gotten him. I wanted to give him a 'special present' that would be special for me also. I gathered from Izac during the day that he had been thinking about something 'special' happening also. He didn't say it out loud but it was a mutual feeling that hung in the air. Mesa Falls could be the perfect place to share that 'special present.'

 Hand in hand we were cruising down the car-less road; and before long we came to the actual turn off that would take us down to the Falls. My heart rate was already increasing at the possible potentials if we stopped. . . I wanted to stop, but I also knew that we didn't have much time to spare. I could sense that Izac wanted to stop also. The disappointment was so thick you could cut it as we drove past the turn off. . .  




I got the picture at: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6b/Meadow_in_Island_Park,_Idaho.jpg

That Play-Mill Diva

A continuation of ''Hot Dog' Style'

To preface this entry I just wanted to say that I wrote 8.5 pages in my journal about this day... If you didn't keep a journal of your dating keep one now :) It is fun to reminisce of memories. 

Saturday had come and Izac and I had a really big day planned to celebrate it. It began at my apartment at the bright and early time of 7:15 AM. My day began before that because I of course had to look my best for him for his birthday and to meet his extended family. 

It was a big deal, and I had to look nice. 

I had decided to make him German Pancakes. He had told me that those air-filled fluffy pancakes were one of his favorite breakfast meals. It would have gone just great if I had made them at least once in the past year. 

But I hadn't. 

They ended up being a full inch thick of pancake-egg-morning-delight. The thickness discouraged the plou-ffy bubbles to appear which was characteristic of these pancakes. Luckily for me they didn't taste terrible, they were just a little on the hunky side. 

 Birthday Boy :)

Us having his birthday breakfast!

Our new adventure heading to Island Park started (Island Park is about an hour drive from where we were living in Rexburg). Izac had it planned. He wanted to take a scenic route through Black Canyon on the way there and a scenic route through Mesa Falls on the way back. 

It was on the agenda to take our time leisurely getting to our final destination; enjoying each other and the great outdoors on the way.

We, of course, took Izacs Bronco and I sat next to him in the middle making the drive that much more pleasant with his close proximity. After reaching the mountains we found patches of snow on the side of the road. It was just to tempting to pass up, so we stopped and threw snowballs at each other in July. (Yes, I have thrown a snowball in July :) ). We enjoyed the nice weather for a brief moment before resuming our journey. 

 Snow and Snowballs in July! 

Me and the sexy Bronco :) 

The next stop that we decide to make was at Big Springs. Big Springs is famous for its fish and ducks and is a tourist attraction. We couldn't have asked for a better day weather wise. The sun was glimmering on the water, making our eyes squint with the reflection, the trees were standing still with no wind to sway them from side to side, the sky was a clear baby blue with only a few cirrus clouds hinting here and there. Holding his hand and walking side by side was exhilarating and wonderful; completely refreshing.  We were happy to be with each other and the twinkle was in each of our eyes as we settled in to each ponder some of God's great creations. (You probably think I was thinking about the serene lake, or the swimming fish and duck, or even the trees and mountains; but my mind was on my Izac, one of Gods best creations in my opinion. :) ). 

Us at Big Springs.

Holding hands and staying close we decided to tour Johnny Sack's cabin. It was across the stream and a short enjoyable hike to get there. Johnny Sack was supposedly either really short or a midget and everything in the cabin was scaled as such. It is a really nice cabin for how old it is. The past American heritage and pioneers on the untamed frontier fascinates me. 

After our brief tour of the Sack cabin we headed to Izac's grandparents cabin. At this time I met more of his extended family. After the introductions and some visiting we went out in the field yonder from the cabin to shoot some skeet. 

If you remember from my first experience of shooting with Izac it didn't go so well...

I missed everything.

I was rather fearful that the same thing would plague me and I wouldn't be as impressive for his family. I wanted to impress his family, somehow make them think that I might be a smidgen deserving of their son. 

The first shot. 

Pull. 

I missed. 

The second shot.

Pull. 

By some sort of grace, I nicked it! The overwhelming celebration I threw myself for hitting the flying thing began. Any impressive characteristic I was hoping for was completely demolished in my celebration of hitting the flying orange clay. But hey, I had hit it. 

Izac had a pretty good shot record and I was proud of him. I always took a liking to a man who knew how and could shoot a gun. It is manly, masculine, macho and American. 

Don't we look good shooting that shotgun :)

Picking up the missed clays.

In West Yellowstone there is a play-mill called The Playmill Theater. The afternoon was planned to attend this play with everyone. The play that was currently there was 'Joseph and the Technicolor Dream-Coat'. I was thrilled to attend because I had heard a lot about how good they were but I had never been to one. 

The theater was a quaint little place that had a personal cozy feel to it. It wasn't very big which allow the play members to be more intimate, in a sense, with the audience. They started the program by singing a 'special' birthday song to all the birthday people. My date's birthday was that day so he proceeded to the stage for this 'special' song. A play cast member stood by each birthday celebrator and they were of the opposite sex. So thus a girl was next to Izac singing him this 'special' song. 

It was 'special' alright because at the end of the song the play cast members kissed 'their' birthday person on the cheek. My cheeks flamed a flushed red in envy while Izac's flamed bright red in embarrassment. I hadn't even kissed him on the cheek yet and here this cute, skinny, girly stranger was kissing my boy on the cheek. I wasn't very happy about it and even recorded the following line in my journal; 'I did not like that!'

I tried hard to avoid drama, especially unnecessary drama so I didn't say anything about it or my dislike of it the whole time. He really didn't have a choice in the matter. I was more envious of the girl. 

I made sure that we held hands the rest of the play. In my mind I just knew that Izac was probably thinking about his most recent encounter with a female and I just knew he was probably looking for her. I kept my eye out for her myself, noting if she was trying to pay special attention to my man. 

I liked him. 

I liked him a lot.

I didn't want to lose him. 

I really didn't want the girl in the play to sweep him away from me... 

'Hot Dog' Style

A continuation of 'Sprinklers'

I had told my mom my tragic dilemma of not being able to find the type of books that I wanted to get Izac. She was in Ashton that Friday for some meetings and called to tell me that she had found me some books there! I was so relieved and delighted that my mom had finally found what I was looking for. The day before his birthday no less...But hey, I had him something. I supplemented the books with some glitter, a picture of us in a frame, and a hand written letter. I was now prepared and somewhat excited to give him my gift.

Yellowstone was not to far away from where we lived

The same Friday, Izac picked me up and we tried to go to a wedding reception for one of his friends. It ended up that we got told the wrong day, so instead, he took me to dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings. Our trend for going to restaurants was that he would always sit next to me; it made me feel special that he wanted me to be that much closer to him. 

After dinner we went to his parents house.  His parents were up in Island Park at a family cabin and they wanted Izac to grab some inner-tubes to take up to them. He had invited me to spend his birthday (which was the next day) with him and his family up in Island Park. 

The house was empty, no one was there. It was a calm, clear night outside and we decided to lay on the tramp. In our spontaneity we determined to wrap together 'hot dog' style in one of his blankets. It was cozy and we were pretty close. I didn't pay much heed to the dimly star lit sky. My thoughts and heart rate were soaring with my love and his nearness. 

He huskily whispered in my ear asking if I had ever been that close before. It wrenched my heart into two pieces to have to give an honest reply of yes. My mistakes were haunting me once again... It was a needed conversation but brought strong feeling of past regret for me. We shared an appropriate conversation and we mutually decided that we weren't going to lay directly on each other. That rule and others that we set along the way helped our relationship to remain chaste and pure. I was and am so grateful that Izac was willing to do those things for me. I had a keeper and didn't want to loose him. 

We had talked about letting each other go to bed early in preparation for the big birthday celebration the next day but we ended up getting back to our apartments at curfew. Following that night I wrote this in my journal: 'He is so understanding! I have never met or been with someone like him. He is AMAZING! Absolutely amazing! Just thinking about him brings a smile to my face. He is fun, spontaneous, smart, caring, spiritual, sweet and just a great guy. I feel so lucky!'

Sprinklers

A continuation of 'The Fourth of July'

My heart was racing with his closeness...

His nose reached mine and we gave each other an 'Eskimo kiss' rubbing our noses together. He then pulled back to warmly smile and pull me into a pleasant embrace. I was one happy girl and slept peacefully that night dreaming of my Izac. 

We saw each other Tuesday but unfortunately had to spend most of our time together doing homework. 

That Wednesday we continued our tradition of country dancing. We were starting to get a little better, making it more enjoyable to prance around the floor together showing off our moves. After a few songs and circles around the floor we got hot and decided to go outside to cool off. Its no surprise that we ended up talking. Conversation came really easy for us. I wrote the following after spending the night dancing with him: "I really can't express how much I have grown to really care for Izac. Every time we spend together is amazing and a lot of fun!" 

Izac's birthday was that coming up Saturday, Wednesday had just passed and I hadn't gotten him anything yet. I was having a real tough time figuring out what to get him. 

I wanted it to be meaningful. 

I wanted him to see that I had spent some time considering it. 

I wanted it to be special but not cost too much money (I was a poor college student). 

Finally, after much deliberation, I decided to get him a hiking/ mountain biking book of trails in East Idaho. It was something that we both enjoyed and could do together.

That is what I was going to go for, and the hunt began.  It turned out to be a real hunt that Thursday because I could not find one anywhere!! I went to Broulims (a local supermarket), Idaho Drug (another local store), Abbotts (yet another local store), Walmart, and K-mart. I spent a lot of time running around to find this special present all to no avail. 

Later, when I had got back from my fruitless run-around, Izac and I met up and decided to go on another bike ride. It had been raining on and off throughout the day and that evening was no different. 

We rode side by side to a park called 'Nature Park.' We got a mite wet from rain drops on the way there. We parked ourselves and our bikes in the shelter for a bit and just talked. No one was at the park due to the unfavorable weather, it was the two of us and the weather. 

The sprinklers across the way from where we were sitting were spritzing the grass, feeding it a double helping with the rain. Seeming how we were already wet, we decided to go play in the water. We both bent down to remove our shoes. Once I had mine off, I sat there quietly waiting for Izac to finish getting his off. I breathed in the fresh air from the cleansing rain. The smell of the outdoors after a good rain is one of my favorite smells. It was peaceful at the park sitting there by a boy who was quickly becoming my best friend. 

Soon, however, all peace was gone. Izac picked me up and carried me directly for the sprinkler. I was helpless and squealed in enjoyment the whole way there. He got me real wet, like drenched wet; I tried to fight back, but I wasn't very successful. I did manage to get a couple of drops of water on him which made me feel good.  

It was spontaneous. 

It was random. 

And it was fun. 

By the end of our struggle to get each other more wet, we were totally soaked. We laid side by side on the grass and just let the sprinklers go their course, watering us along with the grass. We enjoyed the peace of the moment relishing the memory that we had just created together. 

It began to get cold as the evening wore on, and we decided that we had better head back before it got too cold. We still had to ride our bikes to our apartments which was a couple of miles away. 

The ride back was rather frigid. My hair was wet and my clothes were wet. The cool night air that rushed by me as I rode formed small goose bumps on my skin. We parted to shower at our own apartments and each of us put some sweats on. He came back to my apartment and we cuddled up with each other, slowly warming up in each other's arms.  




I got the pictures from:
http://4hdwallpapers.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Spring-Green-Grass-Close-Up-Under-Rain.jpg and http://www.homedepot.com/hdus/en_US//DTCCOM/HomePage/How_To/Buying_Guides/Outdoors/HT_BG_OD_Sprinklers/Body/Images/HT_BG_OD_SS_Body_Img-Sprinklers.jpg
  

The Fourth of July

A continuation of 'Denied . . .'

The weekend after our pool experience, I spent in Utah with my family. We went to Stadium of Fire with the family on that Saturday, which happened to be the 2nd of July that year.  It was a real nice time spending it with family. I really love spending time with my family, it is important and fun to me. My sisters and I did our hair crazy and made a real good time of it, we even got my brother to join in :). We had fun taking pictures . . . (As you will see below)

Side Profile of our crazy hair.

Front Profile.

Jumping profile.

Kiss-ie Face Profile.

All the Girls Profile.

Parachute man coming in with the flag!

The F-16s made a grand fly by and sent my country pride free flowing.

It really was a 'Stadium of Fire'. :)

Monday, the Fourth of July, my family and I woke up at the bright and early time of 7 AM to attend a traditional early morning flag ceremony and breakfast at my grandparents church. We had been attending that flag ceremony and breakfast for years and I loved it! The crisp cool air stole any sleep from my eyes, the bright morning sun peaked over the mountain illuminating our country's flag , peacefully reminding me of the beautiful and free country that we live in. It was a beautiful, picture perfect moment listening to The Star Spangled Banner being sung while the flag was raised.

We have a great country.
We are blessed to live here.
I love America!

After the traditional pancake, bacon, egg, and sausage breakfast we headed back north to Idaho to participate in the holiday festivities there with more family. I was excited to get home speedily for two reasons:

 First: Izac and I had plans to spend most of the day together (I hadn't seen him for two days and I kinda missed him).

Second: The Fourth of July is my favorite holiday (my favorite holiday combined with my favorite man was bound to be a good day).

My aunt and uncle always have a BBQ at their house on the Fourth. Izac met us there and was able to meet my family and extended family. It was so good to see him. We shared a nice, long, warm embrace in greeting before I took him to meet the family. It is typical of my family to try and 'tease' and 'scare' newcomers to the family circle and they gave Izac his fair share of it. He took it well and joked and teased back with them. It made me happy that he like them and had fun with their kidding.

Our next adventure was to meet Izac's family . . . In Izac and I's conversations, the topic of our families came up frequently. He told me about his parents and siblings and I told him about mine. From what I had learned of our past conversations, he was pretty close to his dad. They had worked hard together and Izac learned a lot from his dad.

I was very intimidated and nervous to meet his family. I was the first and only girl that he had brought home to 'meet-the-family'. I was really worried that I wouldn't measure up to their expectations. I wanted them to like me. I was really taking a liking to their son and brother and I wanted this relationship to keep progressing. The situation distressed me and I spoke of my anguishes to Izac the whole way to his house (I am surprised that my 'blubbering-when-I-was-worried' habits didn't scare him off. . .).

My hands were clammy with the nerves that were free flowing out of my dermis. His family was also having a BBQ and we went around back to meet them, hand in hand. Everyone was real nice, kind and generous to me. It really wasn't as bad as I was thinking that it was going to be. It was one of those things that was nice to have over with though.

After the BBQ we went to the Idaho Falls Fireworks. Izac and I, being bike people, took our bikes to ride our way around the Greenbelt. It was beautiful outside and it was fun riding side by side with such a stud. He was my tall, dark, and handsome and I loved introducing him to everyone that we saw through our travels. We ran into one of my close friends and ended up sitting by them for the show. They had a great view of the fireworks, directly across the river from where they were shot off. We laid side by side, hand in hand and watched the spectacular fireworks. We celebrated the freedom that we enjoy together watching the night sky burst with flame, and listening to the musical program made just for those fireworks.

 Fireworks!

 More Fireworks!

Izac and I on the Fourth of July! (Aren't we cute? :) )

After the fireworks ended we headed back north to our apartments; we had to get my car that was parked at my parents house. After doing so we continued north. The traffic was crazy (meaning really, really bad)  because they were doing construction on the highway and everyone was coming home from the fireworks. Traffic was basically at a stand-still. We decided to take the back roads to get back to Rexburg, we ended up getting lost and playing a version of leap frog in our cars. Even though we were in different cars it was a great time! We made it fun and finally ended up getting home real late.

There on the apartment door step he pulled me into a close embrace, topping off my wonderful day, making my favorite holiday even better. He pulled his head back and rested his forehead on mine. . .

My heart was racing with his closeness. . .

All pictures came from my camera.

Denied . . .

A continuation of 'Was it going to happen?'

His face came closer to mine and I could feel his warm whisper on my flushed cheeks . . . 

I knew what he wanted, and he was visibly going to go for it but I kept turning my head away, avoiding his lips. 

His question was simple and blunt asking if I was avoiding him. I replied with a simple blunt answer of 'yes'. He looked somewhat hurt and I rushed on to explain my reasoning. I told him that I wanted his first kiss to be meaningful and not just because we were close in the pool. He pulled me into a hug and we stayed like that for a brief moment before we closed the pool and got dressed. 

Izac had not said much since that moment and uneasiness and distress were plaguing me. I dressed wondering if I had just ruined my chances by denying him in the pool. I probably over thought it but at the time it was a very legit concern to me. 

I liked him. 

I liked him more than a little bit.

I liked him a lot. 

I was falling in love with him . . .

After we got dressed and on our way. I began blubbering like a beluga whale trying to explain myself  to him and my reasoning for withholding in the pool. I told him that I really (really, really) wanted this relationship to work. I did my best to make it clear that I didn't want to mess it up by kissing him but I also didn't want to mess things up by not kissing him. 

He told me that he understood and the conversation carried to how our relationship need to be a triangle. The triangle had to include God and Izac and I; with God being the central point. In order to have a lasting relationship I knew that that was how it had to be constructed. After sometime of talking he reassured me that it was alright. That he didn't hate me for not kissing him in the swimming pool. Somehow he got it through my thick brain that I had done the right thing. 

He continued on, telling me that he really wanted things between us to work also and that we had probably gone as far as was alright being in so little clothing and what not.

Its not that I didn't want to kiss him. I really did. The physical attraction between us blossomed even more every time we were in each other's presence. I just strongly felt that our first kiss (and Izac's first kiss ever) shouldn't be with us practically half naked and wearing just swimming attire. Those emotions can be so powerful and Izac had never experienced kissing, who knows what could have happened ;) . 

I wanted to build our relationship on sincerely getting to know each other. I wanted that oh so bad. I wanted it to last; and for our relationship to be solid on the right principles needed to take the us and our relationship farther.    

I was really glad that I was able to remain strong in that situation. I had learned; and I felt that my learning was helping to carry our relationship deeper and further in a more consecrated way than any I had had before. 

I craved such a relationship; and hoped and prayed that somehow things might work out between us. 



I got the picture from https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7CIl4caFBH2yNHrBWnatc2z0zipZoFN3UL73hmzyhcG5m-aYHDJ0tK3zecgJBnGq52rcKlVIACnFdRknzCshJDAAN0h7YKfVT-zMiqd9MXxydfrT-A2zIV4SzMiBSMlDi71GTI-xWWcYq/s1600/2h.png

Was it going to happen?

A continuation of 'Sweet Understanding'

Wednesday we were going to try and get some of our ever-building-pile-of-homework done. I guess you could say that we tried... But we weren't very successful, we ended up talking and playing in the library together. I just loved being with him. He was becoming the center of my life, and I was okay with putting my homework aside in order to spend more time with him (this was somewhat an unusual phenomenon because I tried really hard to be a straight A; good-grades student). Putting off homework doesn't get straight A's very often, but nonetheless we were building a relationship. We were building it on getting to know each other; our likes and our dislikes, our passions and pains. The attraction we had for each other was a strong blazing fire-and it went two ways (me to him and him to me). That attraction and fire made our dating experience that much more wonderful.

Us playing around at the library (sorry about the low resolution... this picture was taken on an ancient cell phone).

We kept on country dancing (it was every Wednesday). We always went to the instruction together and then danced a few dances. We were always the cutest couple on the dance floor and I loved the way he would spin me and make me feel like a princess. I know this is bad. . . But I really liked that others seemed to be envious of the light in our eyes and jig in our step. When we were dancing we were completely focused on each other and those around us could see each week that we were falling in love. It was beginning to be a really fun weekly tradition for us to get out and off the couch :) .  

Thursday Izac wanted to take me to dinner with him because I was going to Utah for the weekend with my family. He took me to a place in Rexburg, Idaho called the Pineapple Grill (a Hawaiian style grill). Izac talked me into getting sushi... A normal Idaho girl doesn't usually get sushi but it was actually pretty good. We sat next to each other on one side of the bench and talked throughout dinner. He shared some of his experiences as an LDS missionary in the Philippines and I relished every moment when we were sitting close.

Izac was supposed to attend a play for school and take notes on it. Our plan was to attend the play after we went to dinner. The Pineapple Grill was a little bit slow on service and we ended up being five minutes late. They would not let us in for anything. I felt really bad. He had bought the tickets and because we were a little late he would be able to get the assignment done. I thought that he was going to have to take a zero on it because of me, but they ended up letting him re-schedule it. 

All of the sudden we had a lot of time and we decided to go for a walk around campus. We went to the piano building and I showed off for him a little bit that I knew how to play the piano. I don't know if he was really impressed or not but I felt good that I could finally do something that he couldn't :). 

Our walk, next carried us to the indoor and outdoor gardens. Brigham Young University-Idaho has some beautiful gardens! The indoor tropics are breath taking while the outdoor terrain was refreshing. We held hands and did what we were best at. Talking. And sharing our hopes and dreams with each other :). 

At the time I worked at a place that had a swimming pool. My boss would let us go swim when ever we wanted as long as we cleaned up after ourselves. Izac and I decided to take advantage of my privilege there and go swim. We played around and swam, just the two of us, enjoying the water. After a time of playing around he started playing with my hair and held me somewhat close. Talk about an intense internal upheaval. 

We were just in swimming suits (half naked in a sense).

We were extremely attracted to each other (utterly attracted). 

And he was holding me pretty close (my heart was going to jump right out of my chest and dive into the pool) . . .

In a way I was panicking inside. We were half naked and I didn't want anything bad to happen. In other words, I really did not want our first kiss together to be half naked in a swimming pool. 

We stood close savoring our closeness but not acting on any impulses. Soon we decided to get in the hot tub one more time before we left. 

In the hot tub, he pulled me close so we were each kneeling on the hot tub floor and hugging. He whispered quietly in my ear asking me if I thought we knew each other pretty well... My insides were getting hot, spicy and nervous. 

I replied that I thought we did know each other pretty well. . . (We had seen each other every single day (Besides during Ryker and Emma's funerals) since we starting dating a couple weeks ago, some days we had seen each other multiple times). His face came closer to mine and I could feel his warm whisper on my flushed cheeks . . . 

Sweet Understanding

A continuation of 'The Past'

I began crying, blubbering (in perhaps the worst way possible) that I had not always been the best person. 

I had made mistakes. 

Mistakes that required repentance.  

It hurt every fiber of my being to be telling my mistakes to a man whom I was really wanting a future with. 

We hadn't even been dating for a full two weeks and I was going to ruin it because I hadn't had self control in the past. I my mind I thought that he wouldn't want me anymore knowing that I hadn't held off. I had kissed other guys... Izac had never kissed a girl.

To put it simply; I felt terrible. 

Even to this day where I am sitting and writing this blog I wish that I had controlled myself and not allowed those bad things to happen. I wish with all my heart that I had just been strong in those situations. My advise to the readers is to stay strong in your relationships and keep your standards high. Don't ever let the physical aspect of dating completely control your relationship; a lasting relationship can not last on physical attention alone. I learned that the hard way too many times. 

You will never regret keeping your standards high.  The relationships that I had, however, did make me a better person. If you have made mistakes like me (or worse, or not as worse); allow those mistakes to make you a better person, like my mistakes did for me. Learn from them and make your future better because of them. Only look back to remember you never want to go back or do those things that cause so much pain again.  I had gone through some tough times with guys but because of it I had gained a strong testimony of the Atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ. I have repented of my mistakes and it is that repenting that has made me a better person and prepared me to find Izac. I was a virgin until my date of marriage; and I never have and never will regret saving myself for my husband. 

After I let it all out, I was so afraid that I was going to loose him because I had sinned in my past. I felt that I wasn't good enough for a guy who had held back and never kissed a girl before. I was in deep, internal, emotional pain and it was completely consuming me. 

He rested his hands on my shoulders and he sincerely looked into my red, puffy, tear streaked face and told me that it was okay. He continued to gaze deeply into my eyes and told me that he liked who I was 'today', that those events helped me to learn and made me who I am 'today'. 

He then pulled me close into a warm embrace and told me that he hadn't always been as perfect as I always made him out to be; that he had utilized the Atonement of Jesus Christ also. No one is perfect but building a true testimony of the Atonement can only be done through utilizing and applying it. 

Just the fact that he had also repented and understood was so sweet.   It was such delicate, sweet, and tender moment between the two of us. Words can hardly describe the feelings in that room between us. The strong attraction that already existed between the both of us grew even bigger that night as we added spiritual attraction to our blossoming relationship. 

 (I was in love with him after only two weeks of knowing him...) 

I hope that our story inspires you and that you will in turn inspire others; either with my story or with your own. :)


I got the pictures from: http://www.internetmonk.com/wp-content/uploads/watching-sunrise.jpg and http://www.goodtapes.com/images/cd%20page%20images/cd%20page%20-%20forgiveness%20through%20christ.jpg

The Past

A Continuation of 'The Stars Two'

Monday Izac and I went to lunch and then played volley ball for family home evening. After, Izac came to my apartment and we laid a blanket out on the grass to do our homework together. Part of my homework was to watch a movie called 'Mountain of the Lord'. We both hurried to accomplish our other assignments so that we could watch it together. We kind of laid side by side as we watched the movie on one of our laptop computers. 

I must have been rather tired, because soon I felt a nudge from Izac awaking me from a very comfortable sleep. I woke up, slightly embarrassed at falling asleep during a moving that I was supposed to watch. He told me he felt my body relax and figured that I had fallen asleep. The movie was really good and the company was even better! 

At this time I was in a class that was all about studying cases. Cases that involved things liked the death penalty, purchasing a home, and pornography. It seemed to be all about opinions and learning how to discuss and talk about what we would do in those situations. The purpose of the class seemed to be to really get us think about our values; what we would do and where we stood in some of the so called 'grey areas'. That Tuesday our case was about a girl who had done the 'naughty'. The question we were supposed to answer was whether or not she needed to tell her fiance if she had completely repented of it. 

I am of the opinion that she would need to tell him. I was a virgin all the way to my date of marriage, but I had dated other guys before Izac. I had need, at times, to utilize the Savior's wonderful gift of the Atonement and repent of my sins. I hated my sins and regretted them every minute. Still do. But I learned from them. Those mistakes made me who I was and made me all the more attracted to this man because he had not ever kissed a girl. While I regret those sins, I also feel that I have been forgiven by my Lord. I knew that I would feel a lot better and honest if I told Izac. I planned on doing so but I wanted to wait a couple of months. I wanted to wait in hopes that he would like me enough by then to be able to look pass my past mistakes. I really didn't want to lose him! We had a lot in common and I had a blast with him every time we were together. 

That day (Tuesday) we went to devotional together, he studied while I typed notes at work for a few hours. After I worked we made some dinner together. I don't even know how it came up... 

But it did. 

And luckily no one else was in the apartment...

I got the picture at: http://socalrpm.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/the-mountain-of-the-lord.png

  

   

The Stars Two

A continuation of 'The Stars'

Saturday night Izac and I met up again. We weren't able to meet until later in the evening because we both had things that we needed to do that day. We went for a drive in the Bronco out about 20 miles North from Rexburg. We were hoping to get some peaceful star gazing in; without loud teenagers interrupting. It was turning out to be a clear beautiful night once again.

A school ended up being our destination and we and decided to park there. We laid on the grass and started looking at the stars. After a  time a car approached us. I wasn't as nervous as I was the night before because I knew if we just ignored them they would go away. . .

There was going to be no ignoring this car, however, because it was a cop. My nerves suddenly took full flight causing every fiber in my body to strain. Were we breaking a law? Was it against rules to be at a school? I think Izac was even a little nervous at this visitor... The cop took a close look at Izac's Bronco. Initially he didn't see us on the grass. Both of us decided that it would probably be a good idea to approach this visitor and let him know nothing bad was happening.

My heart was racing wondering if we were going to get in trouble. As both of us got closer to him, he began his interrogation. One of his first questions was asking me how old I was. I replied that I was 20; he was trying to find out if I was a minor. He continued on to tell us that it was unusual that we had parked there. He pretty much gave us the hint that it wasn't okay to park at the high school and we better leave.

So much for peacefully looking at the stars, our luck with it was turning out to be terrible! Two nights in a row...

Back at my apartment, outside under the stars, Izac told me that he felt fortunate to be dating me. A grin played at the corners of my mouth as he told me this. He told me that I was beautiful. The grin was turning into a legit smile. Then to top it all off he told me that I was wonderful :) The smile was written all over my face. He respected me and it showed in what he said and his actions. I was really, really beginning to enjoy his company. He seemed to enjoy being with me too, which was making it all the better! He seemed pert-ner-perfect to me! We hugged on the door step and departed.

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I got the picture from http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3158/3090392251_b0c3016b94_o.jpg